07 9 / 2014
"Life is scary. I try not to let it frighten me, but the fact remains. Life is scary. You never know what’s coming and you never know what will change.
Your parents could die, your lover could leave you, a bomb may blow up your school, you could lose you job, your house could burn down, your best friend could betray you, your colleagues could desert you … and there’s nothing you would be able to do to stop it. You could be in a car accident, you could get half your face burned off with scalding oil, you could be murdered. You could die. And you wouldn’t know anything about it till it actually happened.
Life is frightening and deathly scary and there’s nothing we can do about it. I suppose that is why we try to find comfort in the little things. In love that we are certain will never leave us, in people who are too cowardly to love our whole beings but who will at least never withhold love. That is why we go for the safe love, that is why we stay too long in relationships that we know should have ended years ago. That is why we give up trying to explain our true feelings and have affairs instead. That is why we stay in the same house, date the same people, eat the same food, and hold the same job until life rudely yanks them away from us.
So much changes in the world and we could miss out on something special. I think that is what terrifies me the most. Missing out on something that could have changed my life. Missing out on a conversation, a connection, a dinner date, a car ride, a vacation…missing out on something that could drastically change the course of my life forever. And the odds are against us. If we are 2 seconds too late, if we linger at the coffee store playing on Facebook for 5 extra minutes, if we had a bad a day and don’t bother to return the smile that some random stranger extended to us, if we decide against meeting our colleagues for drinks because we’d rather eat Chinese food alone in our rooms watching the latest distractions on TV … and then maybe it’s the doing of these things that leads to the eternal change in our favor.THAT is what’s scary. We can never know what the right thing is, how our different choices will affect and create multiple different time lines.
That is why all we can do is live in the now. All we can do is sit tight, make the decisions that are places in front of us with the knowledge afforded to us and to the best of our capabilities. All that we can see or predict is what lays right in front of us, so that is where we must live. Everything else is subject to change. Everything else is up in the air.
Life is terrifying, yes, but that does not give us an excuse to give up and quit living. On the contrary. Everything changes and life is scary. And that is WHY we must live all the more ferociously"
07 9 / 2014
If you’re reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started, I have the tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it: I met someone.
It was an accident. I wasn’t looking for it. I wasn’t on the make. It was a perfect storm. She said one thing, I said another. Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life in that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She’s completely nuts in a way that makes me smile. Highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance required. She is you, Karen. That’s the good news.
The bad is that I don’t know how to be with you right now. That scares the shit out of me, because I have this feeling that if I’m not with you right now, we’ll get lost out there. It’s a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. A moment that could have changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn, you smell good, like home, and you make excellent coffee. That’s got to count for something, right? Call me.
Californication - Season 2 - Episode 10"
05 9 / 2014
Anonymous said: One of the saddest and most hil- NO BITCH, the sad thing here is the fact that you're a stripper. If you want respect, maybe you should've graduated high school. 😂😂 when did stripping become a legitimate career?
Awww, you tried so hard, but unfortunately I can’t hear you over the sound of my debt-free college degree and massive disposable income.